Pots and Kettles and Wikileak

by Jeff Huber

Among the gourmet morsels contained in the latest Wikileaks release was a cable written a year ago by Secretary of Screech Hillary Clinton.  In the cable, Hillary accused several Arab states, most of them our supposed allies, of funding terrorism.  She says citizens of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates are the primary funders of al Qaeda, the Taliban, Hamas and other outfits that her hapless State Department classifies as “foreign terrorist organizations.”  The Mossad, Israel’s assignation bureau, isn’t on that list for some reason.  Neither are the CIA or Blackwater or the Ku Klux Klan, but they’re all based in America so they don’t qualify as foreign terrorist groups.  

Go ahead, pull it!

Suzy Strident is especially cross with the Saudis because terror groups raise “millions” of dollars each year from Saudi sources.  Christ in a CARE package, Hillary.  You’re dragging a cheese grater across the faces of the closest things we have to friends in that part of the world over millions of dollars?  What, you’re like Dr. Evil and just woke up from three decades in cryogenic preservation and you think millions of dollars are worth getting worked up about?   

Hillary says in her little cable that Saudi contributors are the main source of terror funding around the world.  Mother of Moe, Curly and Shemp, lady, how many billions do you suppose have made their way from collection plates in Boston to the Irish Republican Army’s war chest over the past couple of centuries?  

I wish only to speak with The Red Rascal.

But the money private American citizens blow to arm Irish hoodlums isn’t a shot of Jamesons in the ocean compared to the tens of billions, quite possibly hundreds of billions that the United States government steam shovels into the hands of the same band of Muslim merry men that Hillary says gets all its money from the Saudis and a few other Arab states. 

There’s no telling exactly how much of every dollar we piddle into Afghanistan and Iraq ends up in the hands of the people we’re supposedly fighting, but it’s enough to float several third world nation’s economies and more than enough to sink ours.  King David Petraeus, the counterinsurgency “genius,” has been passing out stacks of greenbacks and cases of weapons to camel banditos for years now.  Iraq still looks like a carpet-bombed animal park and the Bananastans are so bonkers that our best hope for a peaceful solution there is probably Gary Trudeau’s Red Rascal (aka Jeff Redfern).  

Oh.  God.  Shut.   Up.  

Thank God for Wikileaks.  Hillary has been playing FAG (Foreign Affairs Groupie) Hag to bureaucratic bimbo Bob Gates, the undisputed master of the delicate balance between sucking up to his superiors and appeasing his subordinates, since young Mr. Obama made the bad judgment of nominating her for the State Post.  Of course, you wouldn’t get that impression of her from big media.  The way they treat Hill the Pill and Uncle Bob, you’d think you should take them seriously. News outlets like the Washington Post, the paper that saved the Constitution from Richard Milhous Nixon, have become the de facto propaganda arm of the American warmongery.  It’s a wonder anybody bothers to watch Fox News or listen to Rush anymore.  Old habits die hard, I guess. 

In July, Wikileaks posted 90,000 documents that The Guardian described as “a devastating portrait of the war in Afghanistan.”   Today, you’re hard pressed to find a mirror of the Wikileaks site that hasn’t been shut down under pressure from our anal-retentive government (they can pry into our secrets but we can’t know theirs).  But you can tune into ABC’s Good Morning America and watch the vaginal George Stephanopoulos embed his nose half-way up Dave Petraeus’s colon, and see footage of all the wonderful things going on in Afghanistan thanks to the magnificent work of our troops (“It was enough to make me want to jump on a plane and visit the place,” a friend reported).  

Wikileaks honcho Julian Assange is under attack from all corners.  Even mug-mogul Jon Stewart has attacked Assange, illustrating once again that underneath his hip exterior, Stewart’s low-comedy act is about getting cheap laughs, not seeking the truth.  Stewart, a master of appearing informed by memorizing a handful of factoids his staff spoon-feeds him, has illustrated once again that he seldom understands what he’s talking about.

The Christian Science Monitor suggests that Assange may already be under indictment by a secret U.S. grand jury for his latest round of leaks.   If the Feds manage to bag Assange and render him to the states for trial, watch our media fail to rise in defense of the freedom of the press it so long ago abnegated.

Assange has been arrested by our British lapdogs on a Swedish warrant that charges him with sexual misconduct toward former female Wikileak employees.  Funny how that timed out, isn’t it?  If there is anything to these allegations, though, I’m not sure what they say about Assange other than that he’s eminently qualified to serve as a justice on our Supreme Court.  

Commander Jeff Huber, U.S. Navy (Retired) is the author of the critically applauded novel Bathtub Admirals, a satire on America’s rise to global dominance.