Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Thursday Preview: The Fifty First State of Israel?

If we really want to make protection of the state of Israel a key component of our foreign policy, why not move it to a place where we can make it safe and secure part of the continental United States?

According to the CIA World Fact Book, Israel is slightly smaller than the state of New Jersey. It sits at 31 degrees north latitude, and has a total population of less than 6.5 million. Its climate is "temperate; hot and dry in southern and eastern areas." Only 15 percent of its land is arable. And oh yeah, it's surrounded on all sides by enemies committed to its elimination; enemies that couldn't lay a finger on it if it were located in the middle of the mightiest nation that ever existed.

Terrain and climate wise, Israel resembles one of the most unpopulated regions of the United States, an area that centers on the edges of Nevada, Utah and Arizona. If you carve a New Jersay piece of real estate out of that tri-state corner and give it to Israel, it won't make a whole hell of a lot of difference to anybody who already lives there. The Israelis already respect the property ownership and rights of anyone who isn't Jewish.

Israel wouldn't need to make wholesale changes in its present form of government to become an American state. Olmert and his successors would switch from being prime ministers to governors. They could keep their legislative system just the way it is as a state assembly. The Israeli Defense Force could become the Israeli National Guard, and the Mossad could become the competent branch of America's intelligence community.

Who would have a legitimate gripe about a state of the American union that is religiously oriented? Certainly not those booger snacking evangelical Christians who infest red states, and sure as hell not Utah.

Yes, we'd have to finance the cost of moving every man, woman and child in Israel to America, but in both the long and short term, that would cost a hell of a lot less than what we're paying to keep them where they are.

And imagine what would happen if we turned the Israelis from tax burdens into taxpayers. These industrious people have proven themselves eminently capable of turning deserts into garden spots, of transforming desolation into vibrant communities. Could we use that kind of human growth injection into the American scene or what?

As to the religious artifacts and traditions of Jerusalem and other artifacts in present day Israel:

American entrepeneur Robert P. McCulloch bought the London Bridge in 1968 and had it torn down, transported and rebuilt brick by brick in Lake Havisu, Arizona. If Mculloch could pull off a stunt like, it should be no problem at all for the Jews and the American government to transport every molecule of the Wailing Wall and whatever other Holy Moses relic they care to keep and reconstruct it in the United States Commonwealth of Israel.

End Game

With Israel safely nested inside our ocean protected borders, the only vulnerability the Middle East presents to American is our dependence on its oil and the possible threat of developing intercontinental ballistic missiles that can deliver nuclear warheads on American cities. But, by golly, with the Israelis fully vested in the American agenda, I'll bet you dollars to donuts they could come up to solutions to those problems post haste.

Yeah, I know this whole idea of bringing Israel here sounds a bit crazy. But is it one bit crazier than the foreign policy we're pursuing now?

26 comments:

  1. cloudy11:29 PM

    Like minds. I've been telling my husband for the past week that we need to move Israel to Utah.

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  2. I enjoyed this as a fine example of thinking outside the Mediterranean.

    You're absolutely right, it's far more sane than our current policy.

    Anyway, I excerpted your piece this morning at my site.

    BTW, Thanks for your comments at DKos.

    I have placed a link to your blog
    on my site at Worldwide Sawdust
    Please review my site and consider linking back to me.

    Thanks again Jeff

    Bob Higgins
    Worldwide Sawdust

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  3. John Shreffler8:27 AM

    The Four Corners of the West is already taken: Navajo Reservation. Same old problems of prior posession evrywhere you turn.

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  4. Besides, we're 'muricans, and everybody here should speak 'murican. The'd prob'ly want to speak Jewish. Wasn't there some talk about this problem recently?

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  5. Jeff,

    What's that expression you squids use? Bravo Zulu? It's "Sierra Hotel" in the Air Force!

    Ya done good.

    Mike

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  6. VP Cheney's got plenty of pull back in Wyoming -- isn't it the least-populated state?

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  7. The problem is that when the Mormon "youts" came riding their bikes into Israel...they'd be locked up. That'd piss off Utah...and we'd be at it again.
    Kristol would go on Fux News and demand that the US invade itself.

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  8. Forget moving it. Make Israel a State and leave it where it is. Then we'll have an excuse to invade/attack Syria and Iran next time Hezbollah fires a rocket.

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  9. Catching up with the thread. Thanks to everyone for stopping by and posting.

    Bob H., I could have sworn I added your blog to the list weeks ago. Guess not.

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  10. Bob H. for some reason, I'm having trouble accessing your site.

    I'll try again later.

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  11. Sky-Ho12:23 PM

    Jeff,

    Excellente!

    Perhaps the Isreali nation would consider the middle part of Baja California, pretty barren with excellent ocean access and a built-in tourist attractions, the breeding grounds for the grey whale.

    They could turn their nukes into breeder reactors, taking "spent" fuel from around the world and "rejuvenating" it for resale as well as using the low grade waste heat to desalinate sea water for use up and down the peninsula.

    I would suggest that their tourist attractions in "old" Isreal could be placed in local hands. The idea of tourist monies would likely keep them from being desecrated in any way.

    Seems like a win-win all around.

    memo: I cannot claim this as my own as my sister-in-law had this idea over ten years ago.

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  12. I recall oh, maybe 20-25 years ago Saturday Night Live did a sketch about Mississippi switching places with Israel.

    The big punch line, is I recall, is Mississippi's governernor saying, "heat without humidity at last."

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  13. Seven of Six2:06 PM

    ...the Mossad could become the competent branch of America's intelligence community.

    That should be changed to read, "...the Mossad could become the most competent branch of America's intelligence community."

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  14. SOS,

    No, I meat it the way I said it. ;-)

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  15. I haven't finished reading but had to say this before I forgot. I don't think that's such a good idea really...bordered by Idaho? Are you sure?

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  16. Hmm. Giving the Israelis their own private Idaho...

    Yes, I can see where that might be cause for further considedration. ;-)

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  17. Reading about Lake Havasu gives me an idea. I've been there when in the Marines TAD'ing at Yuma.
    Maybe that corner of AZ is a better idea. Then their army and the Moussad could patrol the border. No?

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  18. See, you're quicker and more clever than I or I would've thought of that when I said. I was only a Marine enlisted man.

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  19. Others have suggested giving them a piece of Texas.

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  20. I thought you didn't want to start a war?

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  21. I have to say - its definately an interesting idea! As far as I am aware, there are more Jews in the US than there are in Israel anyway - this would definately make it easier for them to visit or move to.

    Taking Israel out of the Middle East, giving the Palestinians back their land - definately a sound idea.

    Putting them in Utah..... not sure about that. But then I'm from Britain - would I even get a say? (not that I get one now!)

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  22. Well, there's wheels within wheels to this issue. I chose Utah for a reason, partly to point out that we already have a faith based state in the Union.

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  23. As slight afterthought, it would be a real treat to see Israelis voting in Utah.

    No more Orrin Hatch.

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  24. Seven of Six3:32 PM

    Not unless they have Diebold!

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  25. Anonymous2:18 PM

    I'm wondering if you are a member of the CFR. Nick rockfeller has the same ideas about Israel moving to AZ and giving the immragrants
    1$Mill each.

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