Easter on My Kiester

Apr. 26, 2011

By Jeff Huber

Okay, last week was the week before Easter weekend and this time I really, really was going to take a break from writing the column.  Like I said the previous week, when I was going to take a break but didn’t, my column hasn’t put a pot hole on our toll road to eternal armed conflict, and it isn’t likely to when both the mainstream and mean-stream (aka FOX News, rabid ration, etc.) media are 100 percent behind it. 

On the other hand, it’s difficult not to note the events that, with each passing week, sink our nation and the world even deeper into a perma-conflict quagmire.

Gen. David Petraeus

Evidence continues to limn the emerging reality that we’ll never get the job done in the Bananastans but we’ll never stop trying.  As I commented last week, Bananastans theater-of-war commander “King” David Petraeus has resurrected body count as a key measure of success in our central Asian conflicts.  Body count first became a loser’s delusional sign of victory during the ‘Nam travesty, and its emergence in the ‘Raq and now the ‘Nanners indicates that Teflon Dave fully plans to succeed where the hooligans who ran the ‘Nam failed: he intends to manipulate Americans into supporting the Pentarchy’s Long War—a perpetual state of unwarranted and self-defeating armed conflict—by achieving the media’s unconditional surrender of its traditional function as the fourth estate of our ersatz republic. 

(If you need convincing evidence that the U.S. no longer functions as a majority-ruled Republic, simply note how the Tea Bag Bolsheviks have managed to dominate all aspects of our political structure even though there are fewer of them in this country than there are Rosicrucians.)

At one point King David tried to make a show of using the number of native troops trained to take over their countries’ security duties as a measure of effectiveness.  It’s turned out to be as hollow a standard as Lyndon Johnson’s promise that we’d get them Vietnamese boys up and fighting for themselves instead of having American boys doing their fighting for them. Petraeus’s initiatives to arm Iraqi and Afghan locals, in and out of uniform, have been an American taxpayer funded program for funneling weapons directly into the hands of the very hooligans we’re supposed to be fighting.

And the latest indicator that Afghan boys will never be able to let the American boys stop doing their fighting for them was the repeat debacle in Kandahar where Taliban fighters sprang 475 of their biggest, best-est buddies from Sarposa Prison.  They managed to sneak these guys out through a tunnel over a four-and-a-half hour period without drawing the attention of the prison guards.  That sounds like an astounding feat until you consider that the best way to keep Afghan prison guards from discovering something is to tell them where not to look for it. 

It’s embarrassing to note that the Taliban have liberated their cohorts from this prison before, and even more abashing that the Sarposa escapes are just two examples of the many instances where militants have broken their comrades out of prisons in Iraq and Afghanistan.

And it’s little wonder, then, that the warmongery’s bull feather merchants are power-leaking the scoop about how plans are underway for us to stay in Asia well beyond the deadlines set by invisible-ink agreements and campaign promises that were as sincere as a promise of a Tuesday payment for today’s hamburger.  Heck, the host-nation hillbillies can’t even secure a freaking prison; we have to stay!

Sen. Lindsay Graham on
the Easter edition of
FOX News Sunday

We’ll never leave Libya either.  John McCain’s office wife Lindsey Graham made the rounds of the Easter Sunday political gas bag-athons, celebrating the most important of all Christian holidays by demanding that Americans drop more bombs on Muslims.  Lindsey thinks we should ignore the UN mandate on Libya, meaning he doesn't think we should allow it to limit our actions. 

Now, a lot of liberal warmongers are claiming the UN mandate is what makes our Libya lunacy legal, even though it wholly bypasses our constitutional and legal requirements for congressional approval of sustained armed conflict overseas.  Lady Lindsey apparently doesn’t think we need any institutional approval whatsoever to blow remote parts of the world to smithereens beyond his opinion that we need to do it.

And don’t think we can extract ourselves from Libya because we’re currently only fighting from the air.  Lindsay’s lover man McCain says we need to put boots on the ground right now.  Also appearing Sunday with the gold-dust twins was the third moving part of the ménage, Joe Lieberman, who’s for any kind of war as long as it makes the other two bedfellows happy. 

Program note:  I’ll be working like a navvy (aka “laborer”) this spring and summer to complete the initial draft of Sandbox Generals.  To facilitate that goal, I’ll be moving the weekly Pen and Sword column post time to noon Eastern on Tuesdays. 

Best,

J 

Commander Jeff Huber, U.S. Navy (Retired) is author of the critically lauded novel Bathtub Admirals, a lampoon on America’s rise to global dominance.