Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Easter on My Kiester

Apr. 26, 2011

By Jeff Huber

Okay, last week was the week before Easter weekend and this time I really, really was going to take a break from writing the column.  Like I said the previous week, when I was going to take a break but didn’t, my column hasn’t put a pot hole on our toll road to eternal armed conflict, and it isn’t likely to when both the mainstream and mean-stream (aka FOX News, rabid ration, etc.) media are 100 percent behind it. 

On the other hand, it’s difficult not to note the events that, with each passing week, sink our nation and the world even deeper into a perma-conflict quagmire.

Gen. David Petraeus
Evidence continues to limn the emerging reality that we’ll never get the job done in the Bananastans but we’ll never stop trying.  As I commented last week, Bananastans theater-of-war commander “King” David Petraeus has resurrected body count as a key measure of success in our central Asian conflicts.  Body count first became a loser’s delusional sign of victory during the ‘Nam travesty, and its emergence in the ‘Raq and now the ‘Nanners indicates that Teflon Dave fully plans to succeed where the hooligans who ran the ‘Nam failed: he intends to manipulate Americans into supporting the Pentarchy’s Long War—a perpetual state of unwarranted and self-defeating armed conflict—by achieving the media’s unconditional surrender of its traditional function as the fourth estate of our ersatz republic. 

(If you need convincing evidence that the U.S. no longer functions as a majority-ruled Republic, simply note how the Tea Bag Bolsheviks have managed to dominate all aspects of our political structure even though there are fewer of them in this country than there are Rosicrucians.)

At one point King David tried to make a show of using the number of native troops trained to take over their countries’ security duties as a measure of effectiveness.  It’s turned out to be as hollow a standard as Lyndon Johnson’s promise that we’d get them Vietnamese boys up and fighting for themselves instead of having American boys doing their fighting for them. Petraeus’s initiatives to arm Iraqi and Afghan locals, in and out of uniform, have been an American taxpayer funded program for funneling weapons directly into the hands of the very hooligans we’re supposed to be fighting.

And the latest indicator that Afghan boys will never be able to let the American boys stop doing their fighting for them was the repeat debacle in Kandahar where Taliban fighters sprang 475 of their biggest, best-est buddies from Sarposa Prison.  They managed to sneak these guys out through a tunnel over a four-and-a-half hour period without drawing the attention of the prison guards.  That sounds like an astounding feat until you consider that the best way to keep Afghan prison guards from discovering something is to tell them where not to look for it. 

It’s embarrassing to note that the Taliban have liberated their cohorts from this prison before, and even more abashing that the Sarposa escapes are just two examples of the many instances where militants have broken their comrades out of prisons in Iraq and Afghanistan.

And it’s little wonder, then, that the warmongery’s bull feather merchants are power-leaking the scoop about how plans are underway for us to stay in Asia well beyond the deadlines set by invisible-ink agreements and campaign promises that were as sincere as a promise of a Tuesday payment for today’s hamburger.  Heck, the host-nation hillbillies can’t even secure a freaking prison; we have to stay!

Sen. Lindsay Graham on
the Easter edition of
FOX News Sunday
We’ll never leave Libya either.  John McCain’s office wife Lindsey Graham made the rounds of the Easter Sunday political gas bag-athons, celebrating the most important of all Christian holidays by demanding that Americans drop more bombs on Muslims.  Lindsey thinks we should ignore the UN mandate on Libya, meaning he doesn't think we should allow it to limit our actions. 

Now, a lot of liberal warmongers are claiming the UN mandate is what makes our Libya lunacy legal, even though it wholly bypasses our constitutional and legal requirements for congressional approval of sustained armed conflict overseas.  Lady Lindsey apparently doesn’t think we need any institutional approval whatsoever to blow remote parts of the world to smithereens beyond his opinion that we need to do it.

And don’t think we can extract ourselves from Libya because we’re currently only fighting from the air.  Lindsay’s lover man McCain says we need to put boots on the ground right now.  Also appearing Sunday with the gold-dust twins was the third moving part of the ménage, Joe Lieberman, who’s for any kind of war as long as it makes the other two bedfellows happy. 

Program note:  I’ll be working like a navvy (aka “laborer”) this spring and summer to complete the initial draft of Sandbox Generals.  To facilitate that goal, I’ll be moving the weekly Pen and Sword column post time to noon Eastern on Tuesdays. 



Commander Jeff Huber, U.S. Navy (Retired) is author of the critically lauded novel Bathtub Admirals, a lampoon on America’s rise to global dominance.


  1. Another great post sir.
    Amazing isn't it, old Linsey Graham calling for Gaddafi to be killed. As if the man is the embodiment of Hitler. Well, of course he IS. Every time we bomb some country, the leader IS the newest incarnation of the vile Austrian come back to life. Works like a charm just as we were told it would by Goering during the Nuremberg trials. I don't have the exact quote handy, but he told how easy it is/was to get the people to be for war against their own best interests.
    Libya has gold that the Wall Street banksters crave also. According to one source, they have about 144 tons(!) of gold in their possession. Man, oh man, do those crooked banksters want that gold!
    Also, Libya and Egypt sit atop the largest underground aquifer in North Africa. See the great "man made river" that Gaddafi had built to provide HIS country with fresh water. Water is also a resource that the "too big to fail" gangs crave. They tried in Bolivia and when the people there kicked the crooks out, they got put on the "terror" list. Can't allow the folks to take charge of their own resources. Nope, only the "too big to fail" gangs are allowed to control ALL.
    And now CNN is hyping the "royal wedding". Why should America give a flying crap about that? Distract us from the nuclear fallout from Fukushima I suppose.
    America, what a country.

  2. Thanks, Charlie. I think you've defined a new category of tyrants, the kind we cozy up to because they're "too big to be Hitler."


  3. I couldn't help but think of 'ol Condie Rice claiming/testifying that the White House didn't anticipate hijacked planes being used as weapons.

    Maybe they didn't expect the inmates to dig a tunnel. TWICE.

    Exasperation is an understatement.

  4. Prison inmates escaping through a tunnel? Never heard of such a thing!

  5. The Canucks are 'discouraged' but we're going to 'muddle on', or so says our 'war sachem' Steverino 'the Prez' Harper.

    Considering that Sarpoza was being held up to be the kind of prison Canadians want to see in a newly-democratic state. And that the Canucks have spent a year with the best part of a battalion of CF engineers working on stronger security, and improved 'lavatories' (lockable from the outside, I note) while some of Canada's finest prison guards instruct the Afghans in the finer points of cavity searches and related human rights issues:

    "Attention sir. I am now about to insert my middle digit into your back passage, you may feel a mildly unpleasant sensation. May I proceed? Thank-you.

    I am now going to seek a second opinion..."

    The 'Stevemeister' is anticipating the vox populi insisting that he govern with a better mandate starting next Tuesday. Item one is defunding the opposition parties and item 1b will be building a raft of new prisons for all the uncaught felons we have running at large up here.

    Unless there are some significant new security enhancements,however, there goes the Afghhan 'model'.

    But there's always a damn fine justice system to be copied.

  6. Hey, Huber. Always liked your stuff. Just thought I'd let you know that. Just in case they cut off my retirement pay and call me back to active duty to win one of their wars for them. Or lose it. Or something.

  7. Publius,

    Thanks, and thanks for stopping by. Let me know if they pull that calling you back to active duty jive. But don't worry that they'll do it to win one of their wars because I'm pretty sure they don't want to win any of them.


  8. The Ghost of Saddam Hussein told me to tell you "I told you so!"

    FRUSTRATED at their inability to break the military deadlock in Libya, NATO commanders are expanding their air war by launching strikes against regime buildings used by Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi.
    NATO officials said the escalation, supported by armed US Predator drones, is meant to sever Colonel Gaddafi's communication and supply links with army units battling the rebellion in eastern Libya. Privately, some NATO officials say the goal is to strike directly at the pillars of the regime, including Colonel Gaddafi, in the heart of Tripoli.
    ''This is a shift, absolutely,'' a senior NATO officer said.

    Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/nato-air-strikes-hit-gaddafis-command-centres-20110427-1dwt5.html#ixzz1Kjf7hDz5

  9. Empires needs permanent wars. This way the population keeps their heads down and mouths quiet regarding the government's criminal behaviors.

    My own mother -- and how many other mothers? -- actually thinks we need the government to break our own laws for our protection, against the terrorists.

  10. Many, many, many mothers, ER. Nobody supports Big Brother like Big Mommie.

  11. Yaaayyy, a new book on the way :)

  12. Thanks for that, Nunya.

  13. Mr. Huber,
    Have you seen this one? I find it well worth the time to read. There is a link at the end of the article for a full pdf version of the book, free download even.

  14. Great link, Charlie. Thanks. I'll likely reference that one soon.

  15. It looks like an early Christmas for conspiracy theorists:

    "Osama bin Laden, the face of global terrorism and architect of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, was killed in a firefight with elite American forces Monday, then quickly buried at sea in a stunning finale to a furtive decade on the run."

    Unless, of course, he's still alive and living at Area 51 with Elvis and Kenny Lay.

    Ten years. At least a trillion dollars. Words fail me, so I'll just go with...

    USA! USA! USA!

  16. I aimed low but I shot him in the head, then I meant to identify the body through DNA evidence but I buried it at sea instead.


  17. And to top it all off, Commander, the raid was live on Twitter. Keith Olbermann has the twits(?) or tweets(?) whatever, this morning.

    I was watching the Mets/Phillies baseball game, on ESPN, and people were suddenly looking at their Blackberrys, Cell phones,whatever, and cheering, and then the trailer across the bottom of the screen, finally told why. And... I switched to a 24 hour news station.

    Al Jazeera also confirmed it, and addressed the "burial at sea." It was in the Muslim tradition of almost immediate burial, and since no country in the world would want the grave of Bin Laden on their soil, it seemed the best solution. The Navy Seals, who conducted the raid, kept DNA.

    Mission...... finally accomplished. Ten years on.

    Congrats to the courageous men and women who carried it out...... and kept their mouths shut. No intel leaks on this one. It's a freakin' miracle.

  18. Pen and Sword,

    My name is Bill Hawthorne and I am a political blogger. Just had a question about your blog and couldn’t find an email—please get back to me as soon as you can (barbaraobrien(at)maacenter.org)